But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
