I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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