I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Enjoy the penises
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
