rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
