I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
