Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
