matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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