conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
