Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
