News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
