Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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