Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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