I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
