I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I looked at my own cervix.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
