Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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