he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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