Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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