Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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