so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
