he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize