I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
from now on my penis is your penis
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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