No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
