hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
