Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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