note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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