i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
