Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
