if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize