my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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