I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
