Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
