just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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