Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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