I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize