You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
