I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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