well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
