Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
