forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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