1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize