I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
