We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
