I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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