everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
