I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
