whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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