even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize