I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
