cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
