Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
