at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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