I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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