You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
