You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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