she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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