I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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