if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
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