I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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