Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
