Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
