I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Do vagina's smell?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
