haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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