Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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