I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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