Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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