this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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